This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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