So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
