soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
So vagazzling was a success
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Randomize
