You work out of a Hotel?
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
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