if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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