There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
