His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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