I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
