Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
well you can't waste a boner
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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