There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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