make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Randomize
