as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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