Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
birth control should be required to get into college
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
