it hurts more in the daytime
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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