God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
It's not a walk of shame if you run
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
