I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
