he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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