he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
