Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Randomize
