My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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