I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
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