If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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