I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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