I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
