I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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