My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
