I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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