We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
