So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
