Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Randomize
