i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
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