Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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