There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
