The maid of honor just puked.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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