I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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