No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
