I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
