When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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