I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
