I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
