After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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