there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
