Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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