the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Randomize
