I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
But theres a keg here and me gusta
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
