Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
