I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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