I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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