she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
