worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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