her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
